Saturday, October 2, 2010

October, what the hell?

Seven years ago yesterday my cat Misty passed away. He had a very long life...he was 20.5 years old when he died. He was a gorgeous cat, pure white with blue eyes and a forked tail. I think he had angora in his ancestry. I know there was Siamese, I saw his mother. Yes, Misty was very special. At least to me. And sometimes he was the cat from hell. Yeah, I have the scars to prove it.

On that same day I acquired Bob the cat. When my brother and I came back from the Vet's, my brother told me I needed to take Bob home with me. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure Bob would tolerate me. I did agree to bring Bob back home to Florida with Wraggs and me. It was a very good decision as Bob became my best little orange cat friend.

October is one of those months that I love and I hate. I love the cooler weather. I hate many of the memories that pop up.

Three years ago this month I lost my job. It was not a good time for me but I learned that I am a strong woman and that I have friends and people who care about me. I learned that being a kind, good person gets you more than being a bitch. I could have been really nasty when I left there but I left with my head held high, I left with my self respect, I left with my dignity. I left.

Four years ago my Mom passed away. Mom left us many years before. Alzheimer's is a cruel disease. It takes a person's personality and leaves the shell of the body. Which is what it did to my Mom. Yes, Mom had her moments where, well, she was a bitch. And at times I don't think she liked us kids that much, we weren't 'her birth family'. My cousins were the worst folks on the planet (unwed mothers, meth dealers, moochers) yet they were better than her own children. It took helping my mother get to bed one night to change my attitude about her. Mom and Dad were still living at home and I had come up to check on them (I would fly up every 3 months to check on them, mostly for my peace of mind). On one of those trips I was helping Mom get ready for bed. I was tucking her into bed, much like you do a small child and I leaned down to kiss her on the cheek and tell her I love her and I felt this huge weight lifted off of me. I am not sure how or why but I let my hurt and anger go at that moment. It is hard to explain, it really is. The hurt was gone, I only felt love and compassion for the woman who gave birth to me almost 50 years ago.

And Ellie has a birthday at the end of the month, on the day Mom passed away. Since the vet said Ellie was a little over year old when I found her, I decided her birthday would be the day Mom passed....since Ellie was full of piss and vinegar when I found her. Angry and hissing. Kind of reminded me of Mom. This year Ellie will be 4 years old. She is no longer an angry kitty but a very sweet, tubby little girl.

So October isn't totally a bad month.

What have I learned from my layoffs and other things in life? I've learned that I control how I react to things. I choose whether I am going to go off the deep end or deal with what life hits me with. And guess what I do? I deal with what life throws at me. Life is too short to sit and worry about what others think or might or might not do. I cannot control what others are going to do but I sure as hell can control how I react. I guess I've learned something.

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